Takeoff, crash




People comfortable with high levels of violence have learned to skip steps in escalation. -Rory Miller

Thursday and Friday BJJ last week- I did it, but was too lazy to write it up.

This Thursday I had to take my dog to the vet- she had a cauliflower ear just like her mommy! So I only got to class on Friday (Kirkland). I only did drills because I just got tattooed the night before (shouldn’t have been in there at all… it hurt…. but I just couldn’t bear skipping).

Someone got on my case while ago for sticking my *bottom* knee in while trying to replace guard from under side control; I’m not sure why my brain wants to do that, but it does, so I have been trying to break myself of it. Tonight we did a technique wherein you *do* stick your bottom knee in first (HA!) and then swing the top one over the back of the opponent’s neck, and attack that arm with a figure 4. Made them summersault, then go belly-down and lock the shoulder. I need to avoid getting so anxious about controlling the person that I can’t deal with the figure 4, and I also need to cope with my instinctual reluctance to do *anything* beside let go of everything and try to jump on top once they summersault. You actually have to belly-crawl AWAY from them a bit to get that lock, and they really can’t get out, even if my caveman brain is yammering that they are loose and flopping and getting ready to get up and smash me.

I know I have been bad about blogging lately. I had some kind of epiphany last month where I went down to the River and (metaphorically) threw away some burdensome life crap, and then I spent about a week and a half in a strange state of feeling too big for my physical boundaries. It was a very dramatic Kundalini-Awakening type of thing. I have touched it before, but never so strong or lasting that long.  I got really excited (“I’m Superwoman! I am going to do ALL OF THE THINGS now! I am a higher manifestation!”), then I got scared, then I set earnestly to work self-sabotaging (partly by stuffing myself with so much sugar and carbs that I feel exhausted and weak and am fatter than I ever imagined I’d be).  It is a recurrent pattern that I am well aware of, but this time it was happening in 3D, technicolor and Slo-mo. I’m frustated with my state of own-worst-enemy-ness. I remember that feeling, though. I want it back. Permanently.

In the meantime, I persevere in studying both Portuguese and ASL (see how I get in my manic state, LOL… I almost added Chinese on top of it, but decided that that was insane- will save that for later) and studying for the EMT course (which should be starting in February).

I commited to hosting a self-defence class at PSG next year (assuming it’s approved, which I can’t imagine it wouldn’t be). It will be discusion only, focused mainly on how to spot and avoid trouble. I may do a Part 2 with some simple physical tricks if there seems to be enough interest. I asked onlist if there was anyone who would co-host so that we could get some different perspectives and experiences from different training backgrounds. Didn’t get a response as of yet. I’ll ask again when it gets closer.  I’m excited about it, even if I have to do it by myself. I have all sorts of ideas. I’ve been thinking of doing it for a few years , but now is the time. The Pagans, the gay folks, the trans folks and other fringe elements are scared and want to know how to stay safe.