Friday evening

bjj980

“I’ve had 56 students win gunfights in the past 5 years. I also had two students that died because they were unarmed when they were attacked. Carry your f***in gun.” – Tom Givens (Rangemaster)

OMG, Jen Jen Jen. This needs to stop. This ritual leadership team needs to break up due to irreconcilable differences. I had intended to perform my small part for next weekend’s event and then just stop answering her e-mails and fade away… which would leave the door open to at least show up and participate in a non-facilitating way once in a while. But it has become clear that she ONCE AGAIN did not like what I did at the last event, even though it worked just fine, and now she wants to vet my piece beforehand. She disguised this as a general message to everyone that “We don’t want to do (fill in the blank with what I did last time). Let’s all post our ideas so that we can be all goal-aligned.” So almost everyone posts except me…. since I’m still trying to figure out how the hell to deal with her shit without getting pulled into a dysfunctional drama scene, and I also still have about .02% doubt that this may be *my* problem because I apparently have no ability to function in ritual nor gauge accurately whether things worked or not nor take constructive criticism… and she posts another general message going, “Okay, the only one who hasn’t chimed in yet is Kitsune…..” then again this morning with, “I’m freaking out here, those who haven’t posted their ideas yet PLEASE DO SO”. Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ, this is the biggest event of the year and you’d think she’d have enough to do without having this much time and energy to ride my ass. Over a very tiny role, which is not going to make a difference in anything even if she hates it. I don’t want to be one of those people who causes a drama scene (or worse- bails) a week before a huge event, but I’ve about had it. This is nuts.

I mounted a pole in my basement gym to dry my gi’s on. When I first moved in here, I looked at the shower in the laundry room and thought, “Sweet, I can hang my gi’s right there on the shower rod to dry.” Well, turns out the air flow sucketh in there and they take about a week to dry…. which is not a huge deal, except the condensation is such that I’m worried it’s going to get all disgusting in that room if I keep doing that. I’m not sure the air flow and drying time are going to be much better in the basement proper, but I hope so. I’m going to mount a second pole on the porch so that I can dry them out there when the weather permits.

Friday evening BJJ in Bellevue. I got there early and had a long, thorough stretching session, followed by a few reps of the Tai Chi short form. Then Five Animals. Then Leopard Fist. I have not done any forms of any kind for, like, a year. I don’t know how I feel about it. It stirred some things. Some good, some bad.

KOtH, sweep vs pass. There was an awkward moment right that the beginning when Prof Herbert tried to pair me up with Sauleh. There were only about 8 of us total in there, so having Sauleh in there with KoTH meant a lot of extra wall time for me. Irritating.

Brandon has his purple belt. He continues to get bigger- and better.

A few spars. Lance first, ha ha. He was nice, and let me simply run a sub clinic on him. I also got a turn with Herbert, which was awesome if exhausting. It was very flowy. I tried really hard to flow. I think I made a decent showing of myself.

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Saturday

bjj0301

Sign above toilet at Bothell school: “Hope your aim is better when you fight!”

Saturday BJJ at GB Sea. There were half a dozen women in there today! When we separated into groups for positional sparring, we were able to make an all-female group.

Lots of positional sparring. Then a roll with Kelly, who was on top the whole time. Then a roll with Ron. I actually got a few chokes on him- and any tap you get on Ron, you EARNED- so it’s exciting the rare time I get any. He commented that the gi-and-forearm chokes appear to be my “bread and butter”. He tapped me several times as well, of course.

Then I had a meeting with Tasara. As happened the last time we tried to discuss Turtle Drum leadership issues, we spent a great deal of time talking AROUND the problem spots. I wonder why she intimidates me so much. I agreed to commit to leading some more (if my work schedule ever allows).

I am tempted to take one of Tasara’s shamanic journeying classes, but I’m scared of getting confirmation that I’m just not capable. I’m such a control freak. I have only journeyed once, and it was an accident.