There comes a time when you know you aren’t getting out alive anyway, you have nothing to lose, there is no way to survive and your brain shifts. You don’t think about winning, you don’t think about not losing, because death is a foregone conclusion. And something clicks and you decide to leave a mark. To leave so much forensic evidence, there is no way the threat will escape. To make this the worst day of his life. To cause as much pain and damage and horror as you can in the limited time you have left. This is hitting rock bottom and embracing rock bottom.
And it is one of the most powerful survivor mindsets there is. Very few people want to pay the price to stay engaged with a victim who has touched this level, the full-blown lizard brain. -Rory Miller
Thursday BJJ in Bellevue: We worked on X guard and the tripod sweep. X guard is something I have worked very little of, but would like to persue more, as I need to develop a bottom game. Tripod sweep has been a nemesis. I clearly recall the first time I saw it as a white belt, I was nearly brought to tears of frustration with the multiple steps and the need to keep Left and Right straight. Still struggling with it some.
Thursday BJJ in Bellevue: all spars. I got a tripod sweep On Danny. He complimented me on it even before I told him that was the first tripod sweep I have ever gotten live. I sparred with two of the female white belts that I had previously taught my favorite mount escape, and refreshed them on it. I mounted poor Jenna over and over and over till she was cursing me in frustration. I said, “You’ll thank me for this someday. Not today. But someday.” I also showed Camille and Mina how to force an armbar on someone who has their hands locked shut, even if he is much bigger and stronger than yourself.
The whole world is getting promoted: Dave and Casey and Kevin and Pat at black, Nelson and Gerrick and Dex at brown, An and Amy at purple.
Friday BJJ in Bellevue: Got there as the women’s class was finishing up; they were doing some positional sparring from front mount. I called to Jenna, “Jenna- remember yesterday”. Carlos shut me down. I almost never coach other people on the mat, but it seems like the very rare time I do it, he gets irritated with me… not sure why. I’m pretty sure he didn’t even know what I was referring to.
All positional KOTH. I was doing pretty well. We had 4 profs on the mat tonight. Interesting situation wherein Prof A seems to feel that Prof B was going too hard. Prof A administered an educational beat-down. (Let me tell you, if I ever see an educational beat down coming at me from Prof A, I will wee all over the mat and expire from terror before he gets within 15 feet.) The next people in line were Chrisanne, Christy, and me in that order. Chrisanne (who has gotten really good at healthy boundary keeping and saying no to rolling with anyone she doesn’t feel good about) turns to Christy and whispers, “You want to go with Prof B?” Christy, who is big and strong and technical and I figure can pretty well take care of herself, looked like a deer in headlights and tried to throw it back on Chrisanne. I decided that if they weren’t comfortable, I didn’t want either of them rolling with him, so I marched past them while they were conferring. My general impression of Prof B is a mild mannered guy, and I have never felt unsafe with him before… but Prof A knows him a lot better than I do. Also, he had just gotten an EBD in front of everybody, and that sort of thing doesn’t tend to sit well with men’s egoes. And you know what- he *DID* go too hard. But I am feeling pretty confident right now about being able to protect myself, even against scary guys. I may not *win*, but I can consistantly prevent them from damaging me. And if things start to go sideways, well, there’s always Tappety Tap tap.
I got a handwritten letter from CN. It was so nice. I miss him. I wrote him back. Hope he keeps it up. It would be good to talk to him more.
Saturday BJJ in Seattle: all spars. Did okay. Decided not to tap to the girl who put her hand on my face 15 seconds in…. later she wiped her whole body down my face with all her weight while on top, and I thought she was gonna break my nose. So I pretended it was a comp, I didn’t tap. It was a long, competitive match, but I did get one tap on her, which I was happy about. Tried the tripod sweep again on someone else, did not get it this time.