Thursday and Friday

An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.


Today’s FOD is Frolic Of the Five Animals.

I didn’t go to Kung Fu today.

Despite having seemed understanding at first, SK was apparently more upset with me about that than he let on. This morning he text-bombed me and just ripped me up one side and down the other. Like, to the extent that I don’t know if he’ll ever speak to me again in any context. He accused me of not considering my training important- which feels like a blade in the gut. That’s just deliberately trying to be hurtful- he knows that’s bull. He also suggested that he may ask CN to take over teaching due to his guilty feelings over his role in my hiatus.

I had never intended this to be a permanent hiatus, I just needed a break- a few weeks maybe, until a couple of interpersonal issues got cleared up and some raw emotions got decently scabbed over- but he was steamed up enough to sock me with several additional bits of heretofore unknown (to me) information that- unless he was exaggerating for effect- means the situation is even worse than I thought, and may well be unfixable.

What a clusterfuck this has become. I wonder if he was just having a really bad morning, and he’ll be more rational after a few days….. or if this was a peep behind the filters, into what’s truly going on in his mind. I wonder if I’m never going to hear from him again. I did say, "Take some time to think" before his textual version of stomping out and slamming the door. It would be my preference for none of us to burn any bridges here.

I was distraught enough about this that I could not go to BJJ today. It might have been a good distraction, but I think the first time someone swept me, I would have burst into hysterical tears- which behavior isn’t really fair of me to inflict on my teammates.

Crap. Sad

Friday: 123.5…. getting too thin. I recently went on a salad kick, but I was also putting some dressing on it (many salad dressings have more calories than hot fudge sauce, didja know that?!), and some breaded chicken bits, and too much cheese, so I wasn’t expecting a weight dip.

Today’s FOD is Sil Lum Tao.

Lunchtime BJJ at Gracie Seattle. Lots of warmups, a hip throw (I got to drill with Vince, who obviously knew what he was doing, so he helped me out), then King of the Hill from various start positions. I actually won two of these, which almost never happens. Tweaked my right knee somehow, though. I thought I might have to sit out after that, but I walked it off. I could see the throbbing, jumping muscle right through the thick gi pants, though. We’ll see what that feels like in the morning.

The final round found me in bottom half guard with a mammoth white belt crushing me. We must have thrashed there for four minutes. Yes, Kintanon, I remembered my homework about ceasing just lying under there, but I squirmed and wiggled and he was just lying on me with all his weight- I could *NOT* get out. He couldn’t get out of the half-guard either, though. Finally the timer sounded.

Got in line to bow out- my heart was pounding so hard, and my stomach was rolling- I had to duck out of the line and run to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up. I didn’t, but I had to lie there face-down on the tile beside the toilet for a time.

That small-size purple belt invited me to roll, and gave me some advice about tightening up subs before starting to move the main part of the body to finish them.
Went to the (non-MA) gym and did formwork. All the mirror forms with their regular-side counterparts (except for Leopard 3- I forgot that one). Couple of bobbles, but mostly looking good. I’m happy with how Five Points In the Mirror is coming along. Touch Bridge In the Mirror as well. Many reps of the opening of Tiger Versus Crane In the Mirror- I’m up to the first set of double Tiger claws, but the second technique of the form (which involves a turn as well as doing something radically different with each limb at once) is a bugger. Sil Lum Tao (the FOD). Snake Versus Five Animals, Kiu Two.

I do so much "micro-fu" formwork in my tiny living room, and at my tiny workspace in the middle of the night, that it was novel to have enough room to do everything (including the jumps and rolls and kicks) and not have to pause and back up several times during each form. It was also really nice to have the mirror wall to work with.


Evening no-gi at Sleeper. I was a little late (stuck in traffic) and missed half the warmups.

A few guard passes from various starting positions utilizing a cradle over the neck and thigh. I was drilling with Alecia, and noticing my ever-shrinking weight against her solid twenty-ish pounds heavier and the fact that every once of it is muscle. She made a couple of comments over the course of the night about me putting up more of a fight than before.

Some positional training from various guard positions, then a few free rolls. I got to work with Alecia, Eric, George, and Cindy.

I asked Cindy for some options for when I’m on my back and she’s standing. No matter what I try to do, she spins to the outside and sits on me. She does this to me multiple times every time I work with her. She showed me that I need to close up, and/or hook the leg that she’s trying to bring around. I have no doubt she’ll just come up with another way to sit one me, but at least it’ll be a DIFFERENT one.

Yes, I tried to get out from bottom half-guard again, but this time I was severely handicapped my my sore knee- which is now swollen and painful. I sat out the last roll or two because it was getting worse.


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