Thursday lunchtime

Nothing says, "Please don’t rape me" like multiple jacketed hollowpoints. -John Fogh

Lunchtime BJJ at Bracie Bellevue. Shawn was teaching- Rodrigo apparently has the Plague… I told you he looked sick on Tuesday!

John walked in and said, "I’m ready for you today!" He had spent some time yesterday working escapes from top half guard because I had frustrated him the other day. I didn’t get to test him out today, but hopefully soon.

We drilled the "seatbelt" guard pass (JB’s favorite!), and another one where you grab the opponent’s pantlegs at inside of knee and bottom cuff, pin to mat, and pass to "bottom cuff" side.

Being the last kid picked for the kickball team was a good thing today, it got me paired up with Shawn.

A little positional sparring from open guard. Yay, something I’m fairly good at. Shawn is nice to work with- he lets me get enough positions to have fun with it and not feel like a total loser. I almost got a clock choke on him, but my arm was about 2 in. too short to reach the lapel I was straining for.

Then some white belt guy I didn’t know- I think I did okay against him.

I have been thinking about how frustrated I had gotten after rolling with Leah in last night’s class, and wondering if I would have been better off trying to get it together and continue instead of bailing. I was supposed to roll with Leilani next.

Aside from the fact that I was feeling like I wasn’t worthy to breathe the air in the gym at that moment, I don’t want to roll with a new person right after I get smashed like that.

It’s not really that I’m afraid I’ll turn around and smash the new person in turn- I have more self-control than that (although I do occasionally fantasize about it). However, itis important to me that I always approach rolling with a new person in a considerate manner. I want to let them get a few things, and work on whatever they need to work on. I have *NEVER* just *USED* a new person in a selfish way to run a clinic or to soothe my wounded ego, and I don’t want to be like that. I hate it when I feel like someone has USED me in that way. I guess that at a moment like that, it’s just difficult to get my mind off my self-centered frustration and get back into that "considerate partner" mode.

I believe in validating and owning one’s emotions… in some situations, you *HAVE* to put it on the shelf and do what you need to do, and hopefully get back to it later…. but if it’s really overwhelming, I feel like I want to just step back and take a little time to acknowledge the feelings. The sort of situation I had last night, though- it’s not a good note to end a training session on. Maybe next time, it would be worth the experiment to try to get a grip, put the frustration on the shelf and go ahead and roll with the new person. Just to see how that goes, and if I feel better or worse (or the same) at the end of the night.

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