Gracie Barra Death March

Pic: This is part of my right arm this morning. The left arm isn’t photographing very well, but it sports an impressive purple and green area twice the size of this one.

Friday morning "competition class" at Gracie Seattle. Um, yeah. More like The Gracie Barra Death March.

I was pretty tired this morning, and it was a struggle to get out the door for class. If I’d known what awaited me, I’d have stayed in bed for sure.

Fred is back! He has been gone for five months. I thought he was dead. He wasn’t training at all for those five months, either. Today almost *did* kill him.

Carlos (yet another Carlos) is back too- haven’t seen him for more like eight months. He brought a girl with him. Good. I hope that means he won’t be hitting on me on the mat any more. (Said girl did not come in to train, of course… she came in to sit on the edge of the mat and text, and look bored.)

Run, run, run. High knees. Kick heels. Inside shuffle. Outside shuffle. Three in, three out. Run, run, run. Lots of running is the worst for me, with my reduced lung capacity.

Cardio-Till-You-Puke. Jumping jacks. Jogging-in-place-to-sprawls. Triangles. Come in late- 20 extra pushups. Squats. Lunges. More pushups. It’s okay if white belts pause momentarily to hunch hands-on-knees, gasping for air- but that is NOT ACCEPTABLE for blue belts on up. Burpees. Sprawl-to-sit-to-tactical-lift. Faster. More pushups. Armbars from guard. No water allowed. Bicycles. Post on supine partner’s chest as you go KOB on one side, then the other. Faster. Chewing gum on the mat- 20 extra pushups. Side control to KOB and back to side control. Partnered triangles. If you are too slow, you AND YOUR PARTNER get 20 extra pushups. Bridges. Crunches. Armbars from mount. Fumbling on what grip to use or which arm to grab? 20 extra pushups for you AND YOUR PARTNER. Leapfrog over partner’s back and then crawl between his legs. More jumping jacks. More pushups.

Then we were divided into five groups by size, and given a king-of-the-hill positional training exercise. My group’s assignment was to start in high mount with cross collar choke. Top person: finish choke. Bottom person: escape. Bryan was in my group because he is still on the "light duty" injured list. He says my cross collar choke grips are still not deep enough. He also pulled Bree off me once because he thought I’d gone out. I was pak-sau’ing her left elbow in (that pak sau comes in darn useful on the BJJ mat) and she wasn’t getting the choke… but I’d closed my eyes because her lapel was scraping my contact lens out of my eye. Bryan said, "Keep your eyes open so we can see you’re conscious!"

By the end, I felt weak as a kitten and in no shape to stay for any open mat.

I missed Cindy’s Friday night no-gi class because my diabetic cat had a hypoglycemic emergency and I had to rush him to the vet. He is fine now… I think the only lasting damage is to my Master Card and the percentage of grey hairs on my head. He scared me pretty bad, though. The incident stressed me out so much that instead of going to class, I spent the rest of the evening in a bubble bath with an enormous bag of York Peppermint Patties.


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