Tough decisions

OK, it’s after midnight and officially too late to make any changes on my registration form. No, I did not officially withdraw. Because I still have absolutely no friggin’ idea what I am going to do.

At first it seemed obvious that I can’t do that tournament. But the more I thought about having to tell Cindy that, the worse I felt. She has put enough into this that she deserves better from me than to flake out like that.

Showing up at the tournament- with my offending duel-status registration intact- is really drawing a line in the sand (and spitting across it) to Carlos, who made it perfectly clear that the duel-rep is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE to him. I cringe at the thought of doing that to him- likely annihilating all chance of reconciliation with him- and also thus quite possibly sealing my fate of getting either frozen out or downright BOOTED out of Gracie Barra.

Also not looking forward to dealing with all this f’ing drama at a tournament…. as if I don’t have enough to be anxious about.

Another joyful thought… possibly having to face down Bianca or other Gracie Barra students who may view me as the worst sort of traitor…. face them not just en masse in the venue, but across the ring. Things could get a little too… REAL.

But the idea of going to Cindy and telling her that despite all the time, all the sweat, all the encouragement and positive pep talks, all the organizing to get good training partners to come over and work with me, all the rolling around on her painfully injured knee, all the things she’s done for me in the past couple of months because I asked her to help me get ready for this tournament- sorry, it was all for nothing and I’m wimping out two days before the competition because Gracie Barra is acting like a jealous junior-high boyfriend. Woah. Not sure how she’d react, but I know one of the reactions would be *disappointment* in me. Ouch. I don’t know if I can bring myself to do that. I owe Cindy better than that.

I really don’t know what I am going to do.

JB is supposed to come train with me tomorrow morning- I wonder if she’d be willing to break my wrist or something and get me off the hook. D’you think that if I eat a Supersize Double Quarter Pounder Meal for three meals a day over the next two days, I’d be over my weight limit? And you know, anything could happen on the drive down to Bonney Lake- flat tire, lost map, carjacking……..

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